Four years ago today - life changes....

To read the whole story, see posts from December and January of last year..not going to rehash it tonight.

I spent most of the day in bed, after, FINALLY, being able to go into Julia's room this morning, with Shawn, to get her up. I haven't done this since the injury four years ago when Julia's father found her in her crib. The following year, I couldn't get her up, and thankfully Mark got her. Last year I had Shawn get her. And this year, I was able to go with him to get her. Her head popped up like a little gopher, and I felt better. I picked out her favorite dress for her to wear today to school. She looked like a princess!

Jack had a dental appointment today - 7 to 8 cavities. Nice. He brushes everynight, but, I will admit, I had not taken him to the dentist in quite some time, as Julia's appointments and my previous full time work schedule, really did not allow much time - and he never complained. But when I took my "break" from veterinary medicine, I scheduled lots of Dr appts.....Julia never got her four year check up - I guess since she is at the Dr weekly, I forgot, or figured if something was wrong they would have caught it.....and Jack, well, the dentist just wasn't on my mind. Well, Julia had her five year check up yesterday - the Dr was very impressed with her progress - all things considered...and today, Jack went to the dentist and was a trooper. He actually LIKED it! Little does he know what is in store for the next two appointments - lots of cavities to fill....but the Doc said he would give him some gas before the shots to numb his gums to do the cavities...so hopefully that will go OK. Next Tuesday - 8am.

Shawn wrote a wonderful letter today ("from Julia") that brought things into perspective for me. Not that I haven't felt or thought these things before, but it was very heartwarming for everyone who read it....I will post it here...

Dear Mommy,

I know today is a really hard day for you and it brings back a lot of bad memories. But I wanted to tell you some things that I hope will make you feel better and a little happier.

You feel like you lost me on that sad day four years ago. But you need to know that you really didn’t. The little girl you knew before that scary time is still here, and so is the little girl you know now; we are the same person! And I am a lot like you and that makes me really happy.

I do remember those first few months and couple of years after it happened. It was really scary for me and I could tell it was for you, too. Although I screamed a lot and was really hard to handle, it wasn’t because I didn’t love you. It was because I couldn’t tell you.
And I still can’t. I can’t tell you that I know how hard you’ve been fighting for me and to make me better and how much you have cried and how you almost gave up. I am so glad you didn’t! You have taught me more about being strong and fighting and love than you may ever know. I am also really happy that you have been helping so many people that had something bad happen to them.

I have really been trying to be closer to you and hang out with you more, and I know that you have been trying, too. It makes me really happy when we play together. Please keep trying and not looking at me as someone other than your little girl! The things you thought I would be doing or should be doing don’t matter so much. What matters is that we all have this amazing family; that I am getting better at who I am; and especially that I’m doing things no one said I could do. In a weird way, maybe that’s cooler than being able to brush my teeth or paint my nails right now. I have a lot of other things I am working on! And I couldn’t be doing all of these things without what you did for me. You need to know that I really am very happy!

I don’t really get it either, but somehow I do know that this is the way it is supposed to be. The other night I had a dream where an angel came to talk to me and she said not to worry, that it was all going to be alright, and that this was my path and your path and that no matter what we have each other and that He is watching us. I guess she meant the man in the white robe with all the pretty lights around him that was standing by her. It made me feel really good and that it really is going to be okay.

I said earlier that I can’t tell you what I am thinking, but I know now that I do have a voice. It is because of you, through you, and with you that I do. And we are going to keep doing amazing things, you and me, and everyone will hear us.

Because I am your little girl and you are my Mommy.

I love you,

Julia

Enough said....thanks everyone who still hangs in there to support us. We will all be fine! Today is just another day.

Susan, Julia, Jack, and Shawn

Four Years Ago Today

Four years ago today, my ignorance overtook me, and I allowed my daughter to get 5 different live virus vaccines poked into her left shoulder. I remember it like it was yesterday. Visions of the day keep going through my head. She screamed and cried, and so did i, well cried anyway, having NO IDEA what I had just done to my baby girl. I would find that out nine days later. Brain damaged - severely - forever.

Once again Julia, I am so very sorry that I just believed what all the Dr's told me. I was trying to do what was best for you. I now know better.

I have learned so much over the last four years. About vaccines, about careers and career changes. About the support from (most) family and friends. About loss of those who I NEVER thought would leave my side. About NEW friends to take the place of the family members I have lost. About GIVING and helping people in need. I think I have become a more compassionate person through this horrific nightmare.

I am thankful this year, that ALL of Julia's needs will be taken care of soon through the Vaccine Injury Compensation Program - that was a long four year battle, but we did it Julia! Soon, the financial worries for your care will disapppear! I just need to hire a really good attorney for you and an even BETTER accountant for me, as paperwork has always been a difficulty for me to keep up with, but I will, with everyone's help - especially an accountant.

Life is good, and I love you more than ANYONE would ever know. Love you baby girl - now and always.

Mom

Unemployment ROCKS!

Since I quit my job on Nov. 11th, here is what I we have done..........still working on finding another more suitable job for myself, but in the interim, have been trying to "pay it forward"....if kharma is real - we will get paybacks someday..........not to brag, but........it feels so good we have to share.....

1. Shawn and I got one of my future bridesmaids, Wendy and her two kids out of an abusive household, and they are living here in our unfinished basement until she gets on her feet.
2. Shawn found someone willing to sell Wendy his car for $500 (she has no transportation right now) - which I am going to buy for her and she is going to pay me back.
3. I managed to raise the $100K needed for my daughters therapeutic horse back riding facility, SaddleUp!......from ONE person (with the help of my mother and others) - plus the other small donations I got from fellow veterinarians. And I got a job offer for marketing from home with SaddleUp on a part time basis - AT HOME, so it won't interfere with anything I will do with the hospice/euthanasia job when it gets going.
4. I took on a part time job (just until January) cleaning for my other future bridesmaid, Pam, whose Nanny quit with no notice, who is buried in her home - she has her family of five (one brain injured), and another family of five - two adults and three children (one brain injured) living in her house right now - temporarily.
5. Shawn found someone willing to donate a cleaning crew to help clean up Pam's house - DEEP CLEANING - so she won't be so overwhelmed by the clutter and that is there simply because she doesn't have time to deal with it being a single mom to four of her own kids, and housing 5 others. AND the cleaning crew is donating close to $400 for her to get new sheets, towels, pillows, etc.

SO, that's what we have been doing. It feels SO GOOD to help those in need! WE LOVE IT! BUT, it doesn't pay the bills, but that will come...kharma is a GOOD thing!

Susan, Shawn, and Julia

santa

if you show julia santa.....she says "ho ho ho"..........her first words....since she was 12 months old - awesome!

She DID IT!

Among other things....


JULIA POOPED ON THE LITTLE POTTY THIS MORNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YAY!

WOW, long time no blog......

Not that nothing is going on, but, just been a while since I posted anything!

Julia is doing well. She got a new brace which is pretty complicated, but she seems to tolerate it well and is ACTUALLY keeping her shoes on for the most part! Had to buy two different sizes of Stride Right shoes, which are spendy, but, hey, if it works, it works!

I have officially been unemployed for about three weeks now and am going crazy. In my spare time, I am trying to help Julia's hippotherapy facility with fundraising. They are in dire need of $100K before Jan 31st....so, I am doing what I can. Shawn and I have 7 news lined up to do a story in the next week or so (hopefully). And tomorrow I plan on going to every place I can think of to pitch an effort to raise funds to keep this place going! SaddleUp! Foundation is the name - you can google, and even a small donation will help. Tomorrow I plan on going to all the vet clinics in the area to talk to the owners about the work they do. And possibly all the therapy clinics and special needs schools I can find. What else do I have to do! HAHA!

Actually, I am meeting with Julia's new ABA therapist to go over a behavior plan here tomorrow around lunch time....she will be starting with Julia soon, and most of the work will be done, eventually, by Shawn and I, and her teachers at school once everyone gets trained. Thank God, that I learned at Julia's hearing last month, that this will be covered for the most part when the settlement goes through...another 3-8 months. In the meantime, I have some savings.

Julia has made some great strides lately - still no words or anything, but I think she has a lot going on in that little head of hers! I hope someday she is able to express it!

Anyway, I will try to post more regularly! Thanks to everyone still sticking with us!

Susan and Julia

It is DONE

We met with the special master today, along with Julia's attorney and Life Care Planner, along with the opposing Dept of Justice's attorney and LCP.....Our side was highly favored, and the last issue was settled in what I believe was a very fair way. The rest of the issues have been agreed upon by both sides.....I do not have any numbers to report on her settlement - should have the check and annuity set up within the next six months. Though I do not know ANY numbers, aside from ABA therapy which was settled today, I suspect it will all be very good for Julia. Praise God!

Thank you to all of those who have not left my side during this ordeal. It has been very up and down for everyone. Thank you mostly to my mother, who has told me she would always stick with me no matter what. Thank you to Roger, for loving Julia, with all her quirks (more than I think you love the others). Thank you for stepping up and fulfilling the role of grandpa for my kids. Thank you mostly to Shawn secondly, who stepped into this relationship, and was probably blindsided by what he got himself in to. Sure, the kids were cute when we were dating, but as time went on, and his time with us became more of a permanent nature, not three days here four days home, and with all of the realities of it hitting him - he did not run. (well, a couple of times, but he always came back...haha). And now we are going to marry in June. Thanks for your patience. Thanks for understanding my fight. Thanks for understanding my integrity. Thanks for supporting my job change in such trying times. Thanks for EVERYTHING you do for the kids. And thanks for putting up with me and my up and down emotions....sometimes down for long periods of time.

Thank you to my new friends I have met along the way - most notably, Pam, who sticks by me even when I just want to go shoot my gun out my car window. Who thinks I am crazy for quitting my job, but "gets it" and supports me. Who takes time out of her hectic days as a single mom to three typical boys and a brain injured daughter, to do things, like be my matron of honor, to come to fourth of july with us, to come for jacks birthday, to come to MY birthday last night (allbeit, 45 minutes late!! haha). For being MY ROCK, even when weeks go by that we don't talk. Thank you Pam for teaching me about advocating and not being afraid to tell it like it is and stand up for yourself.

Thank you Leticia, a single mom of two, one typical, one 21 yr old not typical child. Your patience and sense of humor and positive outlook on your kids lives really resonates with me - even if I don't show it just yet.....you have been doing this much longer than I have, and I hope to get to the place where you are in the next 15 years. I have only known you a short period of time, but would consider you as one of my close friends - I would never hesitate to share anything with you or confide in you in any way.

Thank you Kayanna, Anna, and Trina for all your help with Julia during the days and nights. Anna, you have stuck it out the longest and I truly appreciate all the time and understanding you give to Julia and our family. Kayanna - you took over the daycare after Dawn moved away like you knew exactly what you were doing - like it was a job created for YOU. I cannot thank you enough. Trina - I know with five jobs, fitting Julia in is an option for you, yet you continue to help when you don't have to, and that means so much to us too. I hope you know that.

There are many more friends and family members to thank, but these few are the ones sticking out right now.

Thank you to the many compassionate doctors and therapists who have helped me with this legal battle over the last four years. Many of you know me by my first name. Dr Stage, thank you for meeting me after hours twice now when Julia was tantruming and I just KNEW something medical was wrong - but it wasn't. Thank you for watching Julia and making cookies with her that night so that shawn and I could take Jack to a movie. Thank you for being an awesome pediatrician - nonjudgemental, real. Thank you to all of Julia's specialists, most notably, Dr Bjorker, who with two days notice, wrote a letter to the court stating the needs of ABA therapy for Julia - YOU helped us win today....in an amazing way. Thank You Harla Frank, who, during a midst of her own issues, took the time to prepare for and come to the hearing today - HARLA - YOU DID THIS. Your testimony was fabulous! I hope you know how much it meant to us. You are HIRED! Lets get you going!

Thank you to the Rise School of Denver. Without you, Julia would have never come this far - though she has a ways to go for sure! Your patience with this process has surpassed my expectations. I hope you understand how thankful we are for your presence in Julia's life and education.

And to the Dr's at Miami Children's hospital who told me it couldn't possibly be the vaccine the caused her injury - I hope someday you will accept the fact that vaccines DO cause brain injuries. THEY DO. Please do not cover it up to other families in the future. If you would like a copy of her settlement when I get it, you are welcome to it. I just want people to be honest and real.

I know there are many I have forgotten, and many that have "fallen by the wayside" that may or may not get this message...but it is primarily written for those who stuck it out and believed in my family and MY ability to get this done. IT IS DONE!

Thank you GOD for taking me down this path - it has been a long and difficult one, and I'm sure there is more to come, but you have reintroduced yourself into my life and I am forever grateful!!!!

Susan (Jack,Julia,and Shawn)