Four years ago today - life changes....

To read the whole story, see posts from December and January of last year..not going to rehash it tonight.

I spent most of the day in bed, after, FINALLY, being able to go into Julia's room this morning, with Shawn, to get her up. I haven't done this since the injury four years ago when Julia's father found her in her crib. The following year, I couldn't get her up, and thankfully Mark got her. Last year I had Shawn get her. And this year, I was able to go with him to get her. Her head popped up like a little gopher, and I felt better. I picked out her favorite dress for her to wear today to school. She looked like a princess!

Jack had a dental appointment today - 7 to 8 cavities. Nice. He brushes everynight, but, I will admit, I had not taken him to the dentist in quite some time, as Julia's appointments and my previous full time work schedule, really did not allow much time - and he never complained. But when I took my "break" from veterinary medicine, I scheduled lots of Dr appts.....Julia never got her four year check up - I guess since she is at the Dr weekly, I forgot, or figured if something was wrong they would have caught it.....and Jack, well, the dentist just wasn't on my mind. Well, Julia had her five year check up yesterday - the Dr was very impressed with her progress - all things considered...and today, Jack went to the dentist and was a trooper. He actually LIKED it! Little does he know what is in store for the next two appointments - lots of cavities to fill....but the Doc said he would give him some gas before the shots to numb his gums to do the cavities...so hopefully that will go OK. Next Tuesday - 8am.

Shawn wrote a wonderful letter today ("from Julia") that brought things into perspective for me. Not that I haven't felt or thought these things before, but it was very heartwarming for everyone who read it....I will post it here...

Dear Mommy,

I know today is a really hard day for you and it brings back a lot of bad memories. But I wanted to tell you some things that I hope will make you feel better and a little happier.

You feel like you lost me on that sad day four years ago. But you need to know that you really didn’t. The little girl you knew before that scary time is still here, and so is the little girl you know now; we are the same person! And I am a lot like you and that makes me really happy.

I do remember those first few months and couple of years after it happened. It was really scary for me and I could tell it was for you, too. Although I screamed a lot and was really hard to handle, it wasn’t because I didn’t love you. It was because I couldn’t tell you.
And I still can’t. I can’t tell you that I know how hard you’ve been fighting for me and to make me better and how much you have cried and how you almost gave up. I am so glad you didn’t! You have taught me more about being strong and fighting and love than you may ever know. I am also really happy that you have been helping so many people that had something bad happen to them.

I have really been trying to be closer to you and hang out with you more, and I know that you have been trying, too. It makes me really happy when we play together. Please keep trying and not looking at me as someone other than your little girl! The things you thought I would be doing or should be doing don’t matter so much. What matters is that we all have this amazing family; that I am getting better at who I am; and especially that I’m doing things no one said I could do. In a weird way, maybe that’s cooler than being able to brush my teeth or paint my nails right now. I have a lot of other things I am working on! And I couldn’t be doing all of these things without what you did for me. You need to know that I really am very happy!

I don’t really get it either, but somehow I do know that this is the way it is supposed to be. The other night I had a dream where an angel came to talk to me and she said not to worry, that it was all going to be alright, and that this was my path and your path and that no matter what we have each other and that He is watching us. I guess she meant the man in the white robe with all the pretty lights around him that was standing by her. It made me feel really good and that it really is going to be okay.

I said earlier that I can’t tell you what I am thinking, but I know now that I do have a voice. It is because of you, through you, and with you that I do. And we are going to keep doing amazing things, you and me, and everyone will hear us.

Because I am your little girl and you are my Mommy.

I love you,

Julia

Enough said....thanks everyone who still hangs in there to support us. We will all be fine! Today is just another day.

Susan, Julia, Jack, and Shawn