Lots ahead!

So, tomorrow, Julia has her second round of botox under general anesthesia to help re-straighten her left leg. It has turned inward so much since her last injections 4 months ago, that her new brace is not fitting anymore and she REFUSES to wear shoes. I have experienced the people reprimanding me about her shoes, or lack there of, for years, but today, Shawn got to experience it pretty intensely. I hope the anesthesia goes well, again, as it did last time, but of course I am a nervous wreck. I hope her leg straightens out again appropriately so that we don't have to go through all the appointments to get a new brace soon. We JUST got this one!

The settlement is wrapping up. I think it will end in a settlement soon, or else on November 4th, there is a hearing set to END it. I am having nightmares everynight - the one last night that I had - we ended up with $250 for everything!! WOW! That better not happen, or I WILL appeal, which, with an appeal, you never win - but hey, for $250 it would be the point of the appeal. I am sure things will be OK. Probably not Hannah Poling OK (if you aren't familiar with her settlement for MMR and autism, just google her name), but I expect at least half of what she got. Once we get the settlement - that is IT. No more medicaid, no more nothing - everything comes out of the fund. Please pray for it to be fair, if not more than fair, for the loss of who she could have been.

I am feeling so stressed, that even in my dreams, I am telling myself how I just want to lay in bed for a month. Seriously, the other night, the dream I had was a current version of me talking to a younger version of me, and discussing how emotionally drained I am. Done. I was talking to the younger version of me explaining how she could change things so that life would not be so challanging in the future. Just a dream.

Though all this sounds negative, there are a LOT of positives going on in my life right now. A real potential for a new, more appropriate job for myself to support my family. The settlement, which the paperwork over the last three years has consumed my life, is almost done. A WONDERFUL caregiver for Julia. LOTS of helpers who truly care about Julia and my family. LOTS of good stuff happening.

I am just stressed. I want tomorrow to be over. Have to be at the hospital at 745, and then get to work by 1pm. The screaming and tantrums. The phonecalls to attorneys and medicaid and doctors and everything else. I am exhausted. I know this is Julia's blog, but I am just whooped. I crave my bed and quietness.

Enough complaining. It is what it is, and it will get better very soon. There are lots of changes coming that are going to turn many things towards a more positive direction.

Almost bedtime for Julia, then just one more to get down, then I am done - to get up tomorrow and do it again.

Julia - you are one amazing kid. Even with all the behavioral issues, you perservere and show me why I do what I do.

I LOVE YOU JULIA and we will be FINE!

Susan