Very Confused

Do you ever feel like you are in desperate need of help and everyone around you, especially family, either doesn't seem to notice, or doesn't seem to understand, or doesn't really seem to care. But the JUDGEMENT of some of these people just blows my mind. I am trying to take a deep breath and just go with it, but inside i just want to SCREAM! I am told that the financial mess I am in was all due to my decisions, and therefore, is my responsibility to deal with it. I get that to a point....but it was NOT my DECISION to have a brain injured child. THAT is where MOST my money is going. It WAS and IS my decision to do what is best for HER right now, but it is NOT my DECISION to be unable to provide, for instance, a college fund, for my son in the future. This is not possible right now due to the FINANCIAL mess that I APPARENTLY created following my daughter's brain injury. I DID NOT CHOOSE THIS INJURY. I DID NOT CHOOSE THIS LIFE. I am so angry, sad, mad, sorrowful, confused, rejected, etc all at the same time right now.

So, aside from certain people especially close to Julia who are making me feel this way, THANK YOU to those who HAVE offered help. THANK YOU, most of all to my mother, Julia's only "participating" grandmother, who, despite her financial situation, always tries to help with more than occassional babysitting, and with getting the kids toys and clothes. THANK YOU to Granpa Roger for letting mom keep the kids for me now and then. THANK YOU to Shawn, for sitting with me here night after night listening to the "beehive" and keeping me sane. THANK YOU to Mary and Howard for starting the "rock" campiagn. THANK YOU Pam and Stacy for always listening and getting it. THANK YOU to Dawn, Mine, Anna, Nora, Liz, Jeanette, Dr Stacy, Molly, Mary Wise for help with babysitting and transportation for Julia's school which is in HER best INTEREST. Thank you to all who helped out at her fund raiser last year for her hippotherapy. If I have forgotten anyone - THANK YOU ALL! There are people out there who care, and most are not even related to julia and many have never even met her.

And to those of you who Julia's situation and I annoy - my apologies and you will never have to hear from us again. NOTHING expected, or even WANTED from you at this point. Go on and enjoy your quiet lives and keep Julia and I where you want us - out of sight out of mind. I would prefer that over the judgement anyday. We will all be judged in the end and I know I am doing right by my kids.

Susan