poem by an adult survivor of encephalitis....I hope my Julia isn't in pain! I wish she could just tell me!!

Encephalitis by Sarah Hill

It locks you away
inside your mind
inside your head
it keeps you alone
and different

Deep down you know
what the difference is
who you used to be
the person you once were
But who are you now?


Try and explain it to others
can they really understand
Try saying “I feel different”
Folks politely ask me why?


Its simple,
my mind is like treacle
(the extra sticky kind)
that pulls out all your fillings
and causes your teeth to grind.


My head is like a vacuum....
of the cleaning type
that sucks up bits and pieces
clears away in one full swipe.


My memory is shot to pieces
my arms and legs are weak
my balance is non existent
held up by two left feet.


There’s my vision too
my eyes – mere shadows
of their former selves
Two friends who find it hard to work
although they can with help.


Some mornings I find it hard to wake
My brain’s been left behind
It’s vanished, gone the night before
Looking for things I cannot find.


I feel like something’s got me
Something weird form outer space.
Am I a “Stepford wife”, a “zombie”?
Am I part of the Human Race?


It doesn’t feel like it.


Do they tell you about the head pain,
The pressure building up,
The depression and the mood swings,
Desperation fills my cup.


My tendency to drop things
through my fingers light and weak
How many pairs of trousers torn
from falling off my feet.


Its changed my personality
every ailment caused by you
And so the list continues
my life revolves around –


trying to get over this
dreadful illness.


Encephalitis,
it changes life,
it changes you.