What is important.....

MY KIDS. Advocating for my kids. Especially my disabled child, Julia.

I have learned much in the last couple of days. I have learned that I am basically alone for all of the realities in this fight. Does Julia have people who care besides me? Absolutely she does! Will any of them follow through on promises? Well, I can think of a few. Are there people unrelated who follow through? Absolutely!!!! Thank you Mom, Roger, Shawn, Sissy, Howard, LeAnne, Barbara, and others in her "family" and everyone at work who has helped. But, even after all of that, it comes down to the one who really truly makes any of the positive future a reality for her. ME, her mother.

Am I resentful of this? Very. Am I dissappointed by many family members? Absolutely. Is blood thicker than water? Nope, not my experience.

I will NEVER give up on my kids, especially Julia, when it comes to her needs. Was this vaccine injury MY fault? Rationally, no. But I did demand the vaccine that day. Was this anyone elses fault? NOPE. But could I use some help? YES. Who are we trained to ask for help from....family..... Do people get it? NOPE. I made my bed now I will lay in it.

I think often of my children and who they will grow up to be. I hope and pray that Jack will "get" some ability to empathize, and if able, to help however he can - rather its his family or just a close friend. I think he will. I hope I can instill thse values in him. I try to do it everyday.

I realize that many people simply "cannot" "get" what it is to have a child like Julia, but I can tell you, that if the shoe were on the other foot, I would be there however I could - be it my sister, my mother, my father or anyone else in my family. I hope to pass these traits on to my children.

I am doing the best that I can and according to my therapist, I am doing remarkable well, even when I get the rejection(that pierces me to my soul) over and over again from one particular individual. My therapist would be proud of me today for my response to this person. Did it help my financial situation? Absolutely not, but did it help my emotional situation - YES. So, the money will come from the settlement eventually. Jack is young and will not remember that I could not provide him with everything he "wants" this christmas. Julia is the priority this year, and for however many years it takes to make her better and keep her out of a "home".

Susan