Three years ago today...my apologies julia....

I know many of you just want to hear positive stuff on Julia's blog. This post is not going to be positive. It is not negative either. It is the reality of what happened this day three years ago today. I have to get it out.

I recall Christmas 2006 not being a really great day. I recall the kid's father and I fighting most of the day - mostly just "cabin fever", "young loud kids" kinda stuff, but I remember it was not the best Christmas either of us had ever had. I remember going to bed upset. I remember waking the next day, having taken the day off work because Julia needed her one year "Wellness" check up and Jack needed a recheck on his ear infection he had just been treated for.

I remember packing them both into the car and driving them to the Doctor's Office - Pediatric Associates in Boynton Beach, Fl. I remember Julia crying in the car - as she never was a great traveler. I remember the headache I had. I remember arriving in the Dr office parking lot, and all the spots in Lot A were full so I had to drive to Lot C to get a spot. I remember pushing Julia in her stroller and holding Jacks hand as we went into the office. I remember checking in and sitting down and waiting. I remember wondering if I should sit in the "sick" waiting area because of Jack's ear, or the "well" waiting area because Julia was fine. I chose the "well" area. I recall the nurse - very attractive, but not friendly - calling us into the back. I remember walking down the hallway to the third room on the left. I recall the conversation the nurse had started as we walked toward the room - she said, "well, we can do julia's wellness exam today, but not her shots as it is two days too early". I remember getting irritated. I remember I was tired, still grumpy from the day before, headache from the car ride over there, irritated about the parking lot. I subtley "snapped" in my mind and told the nurse I would speak to the dr about the vaccines, as I took the day off to bring them both in, and yes, if the dr said it was ok, the vaccines would be given that day.

The nurse exited the room, obviously pissed at me and my attitude towards her (I was suprised at my attitude too! I had never spoken that way to any professional - I don't know what got into me - tired, grumpy, and anxious, as I always disliked holding my children down for their shots, and I had emotionally worked myself up to just doing it and getting it over with.) The dr, Dr Pedro Jakos, entered the room. Very nice man. He checked jack's ear which was fine. He then did julia's wellness exam. She was 100% fine. Meeting all milestones, saying Ah Oh to the dr, saying "ack" to jack all during the appointment. I discussed the vaccine issue with the dr and told him I was a little short with the nurse and apologized to him, but explained that I really didn't think two days would make much difference. Dr Jakos agreed and sent the nurse back in with the vaccines. She spoke no words to me. She gave the hepatitis vaccine first. Julia screamed. Jack came over and rubbed her head. Then the nurse got the MMR-V vaccine, and I swear, jabbed that thing into her left arm so hard that I wanted to push her away. Julia SCREAMED. Jack cried. I cried. The nurse left the room. We all calmed down and off we went. Drove home, put her down for her nap, and assumed all would be fine in the next day or so....likely just a sore arm and a fever from the shots - you know, "normal" reactions.

And then life went on as usual until January 5th.

Julia still has a lump in her arm from where the MMR-V was given. I feel it everyday.

Thanks for listening....just had to get it out...I keep having the visions of it over and over again today. I really hate this day.

I am so sorry Julia. I was just trying to keep you healthy. I didn't know. I am so sorry.

Susan