Email from my friend Margaret - Glad her book is such a success and that she found her "purpose" in this life....

Good news! Remembering Alexis is now in five COSTCO stores in Denver! You have to have thousands of books to be carried by stores nationwide so I pitched a “Colorado Buy” and they decided to carry the books through the holidays at the 5 stores closest to my zip code. If sales are good, they’ll expand to all of the Denver stores.

The books are in the Aurora store on South Havana, Parker, Park Meadows, the SW store on West Quincy and the Sheridan store just off South Santa Fe Drive and Oxford. I will put the addresses on the website.

The cost of the book is $14.99 (I get just $11 a book but it’s worth the opportunity to sell LOTS of books). If you don’t mind, please let friends and associates know that the book is available at Costco. It would make a nice Christmas present, birthday present, Chanukah, etc.

And if you are in a Costco that carries the book, check it out and nudge the display a little so it shows more prominently. I went to Park Meadows yesterday to experience seeing my book in a Costco (something I always envisioned), and found that their stock of all books has quadrupled in the last three weeks. They are obviously stocking up for the holidays. Remembering Alexis was on the top shelf, binding out, so I took one of the books and placed it front-cover forward below the stack on top of Baldacci. What the heck. It might help!

Alexis has been very busy promoting the book. I have met with several book clubs at her house. People who read the book e-mail me through the website and take me up on the offer to meet with groups. We tour the house, pour some Allis Ranch wine, and have a lovely discussion about how it feels to be a daughter, sister, wife, mother and the general ups and downs of life. The honesty of the book opens the door for them to be honest about their feelings. I ask each woman what her strongest reaction to the book is. So far, no two answers have been the same. Doing this takes the discussion away from my life, thank goodness, and into theirs.

I had the privilege three weeks ago to meet with 35 mothers at a home in Denver. Each woman was either a mother of a handicapped child or had lost a normal or handicapped child. The hostess described it as a gathering of women who understand loss. It was quite a group. I felt Alexis by my side as I talked about the grief that comes with the diagnosis of a disability (the loss of expectation for your life and for the child’s life) and the repetition and reinforcement of that grief every time the child doesn’t meet significant developmental milestones. One woman responded, “My love for my son is so deep, but the grief is inside me right next to my love.” I also told them about feelings I had as Alexis’ mother that I didn’t recognize or couldn’t verbalize when Alexis was alive and suggested that they, too, had those feelings – like being afraid to be happy again because it can be taken away from you just like it was the moment you received the diagnosis. Many heads nodded. I am realizing how important it is for mothers of handicapped children to read the book and talk to me. Knowing of Alexis and me helps them believe they can get through the next day, the next week. I have never been more sure of my purpose than I am at these meetings.

I did feel, however, that I didn’t provide what I could to a woman whose 17-year-old son was killed in Montana a year and a half ago when he swerved to miss a deer. She is in the throes of grief and I couldn’t get there in the midst of all of those people. Driving home, I remember feeling exactly like she did, and I wished I could go back and tell her in a more private way that I understand.

That same week I did a training for 50 staff at Denver Options. I talked about parent’s grief, explaining to them when they work with a parent who is angry or depressed, where those emotions come from. I also read to them my list of how the parents feel. Afterward, a young woman came up to me with tears in her eyes and said, “Thank you. We are so busy recording Medicaid payments in 15 minute segments that we forget that we are actually dealing with people who have suffered a tremendous loss.” Another said, “You opened my eyes when you said that as staff we reflect the parents’ loss. I never realized that but it makes so much sense.” My response was, “Parents of normal children don’t know what goes on in this building. Coming here as a parent means your life is different.”

Last Sunday I met with another group of mothers, all of whom have special children, none of whom are older than 6. These mothers have just started their journeys. There were many tears. Over four hours, they expressed their anger and their fears. Their greatest fear is their future. What does it look like? One mother asked, “Will I still be this angry 15 years from now?” Another, whose son is cognitively normal but has a spinal deformity and is not expected to live for many years, said, “I can’t imagine losing Bjorn. As hard as it has been to accept his disabilities, he has taught me how to see life. I can’t imagine losing him. I will never be able to make it when he dies.” I assured her that she could and she would.

I have no idea what my life looks like from week to week, but I am grateful to be on this journey.

Thank you for reading all of this – I thought this was just going to be an e-mail about Costco!!

Margaret